


Ringing Reggie

by Darklady



Category: Jeeves & Wooster
Genre: Historical Crack, Kink Meme, M/M, Phone Sex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-14
Updated: 2012-05-14
Packaged: 2017-11-05 09:18:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,146
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/404755
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Darklady/pseuds/Darklady
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>For the KINK! prompt : phone sex</p>
            </blockquote>





	Ringing Reggie

**Author's Note:**

> In 1926 London got the first automatic telephone exchange. I count it as a major step forward in human… ahem… communication.
> 
> Disclaimer: I don’t own them. You don’t want them. (Not the way I’ve twisted them.) P.G. Woodhouse has the good fortune of being dead, meaning he doesn’t have to see what I’ve done with his world.

Reginald Jeeves set aside his duster to attend to the ringing telephone. “Wooster residence”

“What ho. Jeeves.”

“Mr. Wooster. How may I be of service?”

“Have you read the times today?”

“Not yet, sir. Was there some article of particular interest?”

“Today, Jeeves, London gets the first fully automatic telephone exchange. Just dial and… bobs your uncle.”

“A source of pride, I am sure sir.”

“No more operators asking for numbers. No more operators listening on the line. Why, it’s a bloody triumph of technology.”

“Sir?”

“Indeed, from this day forth a gentleman’s telephone line will be quite as private as if he were in his own home, giving his orders directly. Ear to ear, as it were.”

“Am I to understand, sir, that you have such orders to give?”

“Understand away, Jeeves.”

“If there is nothing in particular you require, sir?”

“I do have particular requirements. First off, are you quite alone? No telegraph boys banging at the door?”

“Yes sir. There was a delivery from your tailor this morning, but I am expecting no one else.”

“Spot on. Then you may lock the front door.”

“Done, sir. But may I ask why you desire this?”

“No, Jeeves, you may not. You have your orders, and you shall follow them.”

“As you wish, sir.”

“That’s the spirit. Now, nothing pressing you for time? Nothing endangering the common weal?”

“Water for tea sir. I could turn it off.”

“Do so.”

“As you say.” 

“Back already, Jeeves?”

“The tea water has been disposed of. Was that what you wished sir? “

“What are you wearing, Jeeves?”

“Sir?”

“It seems a simple question, well within the scope of a less clever brainy than I hold you to be. What, I ask, are you wearing?”

“My usual, sir.”

“The morning suit with the black jacket, or just the apron?”

“The apron sir. The green one, if you desire the details.”

“Take it off.”

“Sir?”

“Are you refusing your obedience?”

“No sir. If you wish me to dispose of the apron then I suppose I can.”

“No need to toss it. Just set the trifle aside for now.”

“Done, sir.”

“Now, as for your tie.”

“My tie, sir?”

“I recall you were wearing the black one when I left. Is it still about your neck?”

“As one might expect, sir.”

“I dislike that tie, Jeeves. Take it off.”

“Sir?”

“Surely that is not an unreasonable expectation from a gentleman to his gentleman, that he should not have to lend house space a depressing tie.”

“If you insist, sir. I shall replace it this afternoon.”

“No need. Just cast it off for now.”

“If that will please you, sir.”

“And the collar too.”

“Sir?”

“Those high ones you wear have always looked bloody uncomfortable, if I do say so. Plus if you have no tie I see no need for a collar.”

“I must question your logic, Mr. Wooster.”

“So long as you do not question my commands, my logic may watch for itself. Are both tie and collar properly dispatched?”

“As you have directed, sir.”

“Excellent. Now to the matter of your shirt.”

“You object to my shirt, sir? This one was your gift.”

Actually, no. It’s a charming shirt. I cherish it. I simply prefer your chest sans shrouding. So as the good is villainy to the best, the shirt - worthy though it may individually be - must now go.

“Might I remind you that one’s shirt does not come off so easily? There is the matter of braces and the vest.”

“They may be exiled too, if they think to hinder my commands. Braces, vest, studs, cufflinks, and all that frippery.”

“A rather sweeping condemnation sir. I must protest.”

“Protest away, but condemn them I shall. They are all to be cast off as opponents to your master’s will.”

“If you insist, sir, then I have no choice but to obey.”

“Now, as to your undershirt. This is too warm a day for such an article. Discard it.”

“Sir? My undershirt as well?”

“Do not think to oppose me, for the Wooster is a man of iron will and in this I am determined.”

“Be it as you wish, sir.”

“Exactly as I wish, Jeeves. Now to the matter of your trousers. The stripped chappies, if my memory serves.”

“It does, sir.”

“You have always looked most handsome in stripes - but I’m sure you are all the more pleasing to the eye without them. The pants must go.”

“Sir?”

“They must go, I say. And let them take shoes and socks and garters and all with them.”

“Sir? I fear that if you continue in this vein I shall end up wholly bare.”

“An accurate observation, Jeeves. I always knew you were the cleverest of chaps.”

“Ah. I begin to understand, sir.”

“Now, as for your under shorts.”

“That would be the plum silk under shorts, which you purchased in France and presented to me on my birthday. Those under shorts, sir?”

“You are really wearing those?”

“You may assume I am, sir. Although I must say they were a poor choice in this weather, clinging to my thighs and rear cheeks the way they do. They tend to slide up - almost indecently. Perhaps I should remove those as well, sir?”

“No! I mean, no. Those can stay. They… umm. They suit your coloring.”

“Really, sir? I was never sure they quite harmonized with the black hair on my chest, or as it trailed down past the waistband to…”

“Oh. Yes Jeeves. Trust me. They are… most attractive together.”

“As you say, sir. I must agree that the shade does match my eggs, especially when the pair are swollen with anticipation. And the head of my manhood, which refuses to stay within the bounds of the fabric. Doubtless some error of construction with the fly, but when matters swell it quite seems that the front vent can not contain the fullness.”

“Truly?”

“It is a most frustrating matter. Perhaps, sir, you would have some suggestions as to how this difficulty might be corrected?”

“Er. Jeeves. That is…”

“I keep brushing the thing, but it refuses to stay down. Now why is that, would you think?”

“Ummm. I say…”

“But I should not trouble you with my minor discomforts when I’m sure you have more pressing matters arising where you are. No doubt something of great weight is coming up, sir?”

“Up. Yes.”

“So will you be remaining at your club sir?”

“No Jeeves. I think I’ll be coming home. Now. Immediately.” 

“Very good sir. And will you be wishing to dress for dinner?”

“No Jeeves. Just the opposite.”

“VERY good sir.”

Jeeves, still fully dressed, set the phone down gently. He had many things to put in place before the young master returned, and little time to do it.

Now, where exactly had he put those extra ties?

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©KKR 2011


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